Home
by amyyrileyy
Summary: Neela makes a discovery. Takes place after S13 finale.


**Title: Home  
Author: Amy  
Disclaimer: I don't ER or any of the characters. I don't own the song either. Lyrics are from "Home" by Daughtry.  
Summary: Neela makes a discovery.**

* * *

"Are you sure you don't need anything, Neela?" She heard Abby asked.

If it wasn't for the ever so slight shake of the head, Abby would have thought Neela didn't hear her.

Abby sighed sadly. "I know you don't want to hear it, Neela, but everything will work out. Maybe not now or even anytime soon, but this, this accident, _accidents _are just… well, I'm not sure what you could cal them but I know that it's a test of your friendship with him. A friendship that I've never seen between any two people, except you. You mean the world to him, honey, even if he denies it now. You get into the biggest fights with the people you care most about because, well, those are the people you are willing to fight to have. I've known since day one that you two were meant to be and I know nothing will chance that. _Nothing._" Getting no response, Abby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to be one of the hardest things she's ever dealt with. "You should rest. Physical therapy is going to take a lot out of you."

"I'm sorry, Abby." Neela said but didn't turn to face her friend. "This is all my fault."

Abby's heart broke in two again, if that was even possible, at the sound of Neela's voice. It was empty, just as Abby knew her heart was.

"Neela, honey, please look at me. This isn't your fault, none of this is. Nobody knew this was going to happen."

"If I had just…" Neela trailed off. She couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence, instead she stared out at the Chicago night sky.

"Please, Neela… it's not your fault." Abby sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Please, just lay down and rest. You've been through so much in the past few weeks."

Neela turned to look at Abby, tears streaming down her face. "So has he."

xxx

Over the next few weeks, Neela attended all of her physical therapy sessions but it was clear to everyone that she was only doing it to humor them. She really didn't care to get better.

_What's the point? What's the point in getting better if he isn't around? He didn't believe me when I said I'd visit and now… well, now I'm proving him right. I'm a failure. I'm a horrible friend and I don't deserve to get better. I deserve this, he doesn't though._

"Neela! You got mail…" Abby approached the bedside. "It's, um, it's from him."

Neela didn't respond. She'd been getting mail everyday for the last three weeks and had yet to open a single letter. She knew what they'd say. They'd blame her. They'd blame her for the accident, the outcome, everything.

"Neela… you have to open them sometime. Who knows? It might be something good." Truth be told, Abby knew it was good. Ray had called her a few days after he had arrived in Baton Rouge to check on things. He had been torn apart when he had heard what happened but he, for some reason, hadn't let it show.

xxx

Later that night, Neela laid awake in her bed, listening to Joe babbling and snoring in his sleep. It reminded her of that night she caught Ray sleepwalking to the kitchen. They stayed up the rest of the night, fighting over whether or not Neela talked in her sleep, which on various occasions, she had. He knew her better than she knew herself, damnit. That had to mean something.

And it did.

That was that. She loved him.

There was no more denying it. No more ignoring it. What's done is done but the future is a blank slate. Something she has control over.

So, why was she so afraid of it?

Reaching into the nightstand next to her bed, she pulled out all the letters, reading them one by one. As she read she realized that she had been wrong, Katey had been wrong. He didn't blame her at all, in fact, sometime in the past weeks, he had managed to accept what had happened and move on. Well, move on in regards to his accident but every letter said the same thing, he couldn't move on without her. Every letter begged her to answer him, give him some glimmer of hope.

Before she knew it, the waterworks had started and there was nothing she could to do to stop them. All those nights she had spent blaming herself, only to find that he didn't blame her. He wanted to see her, talk to her and be with her.

xxx

The next morning as Abby came trudging into the apartment, she went to check on Neela, something she did daily, only to find her limping around her room, haphazardly packing a suitcase.

"Neela, what are you doing?"

"He doesn't blame me, Abby."

"Who doesn't?" Abby was slightly confused. She didn't know that Neela had read the letters.

"Ray, it says it in every single one of the letters. He doesn't blame me. He wants me to come visit. He still wants me, Abby."

"Neela, are you sure…?"

"I love him, Abby."

Abby's mouth dropped opened but quickly formed a smile.

"It's about time."

"Shut up." Neela laughed, throwing a pillow at her. "Can you help me?"

"Neela… how are you going to do this? I mean, you're still recovering."

"Well, I was going to ask if you could take me to the airport."

"No, I mean, of course I can, but what are you going to do when you get there?"

"I don't know, Abby, I just know I have to go."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Abby-."

"Just to make sure you are all right. Look, we'll get a hotel room and I'll stay there while you talk to Ray."

Neela nodded. "Thank you."

xxx

The flight was going to be long but Neela had refused to fall asleep; instead taking to staring out the window the entire flight. Abby, on the other hand, took advantage of it and quickly fell asleep, listening to her IPod.

Sometime during the trip, Abby shifted in her seat, causing one the ear pieces to fall out and allowing Neela to hear what she was listening to.

**I'm staring out into the night,  
Trying to hide the pain.  
I'm going to the place where love  
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.  
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.**

_How can pain be different? It hurts no matter what you do; I would know. That's all I do, cause people pain. Michael, my parents, Tony, Ray… It's inevitable._

**Well I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
Well I'm going home.**

**The miles are getting longer, it seems,  
The closer I get to you.  
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.  
But your love, it makes true.  
And I don't know why.  
You always seem to give me another try.**

_I've been such a horrible friend to Ray. Yet, he forgives me. Every single time. I don't understand him. I don't understand how he can even stand me right now. After leading him on, giving him hope, ruining it and then, running away again. I would hate my guts if I were him._

**So I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
I'm going home.**

**Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all,  
And then some you don't want.  
Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all, yeah.**

"Abby, we're landing." Neela gently shook her friends' shoulder.

"Mmm…"

"Abby." Neela repeated.

"I'm awake, I'm awake." Abby grumbled, pulling the other ear piece out and shutting her IPod off.

"Did you call the hotel?"

"Yes, a cab is going to be meeting us to take us there."

"Okay."

Little did Neela know, Abby had something else planned.

xxx

Once they had gathered their bags from the baggage claim, they headed towards the exit.

"Which company?" Neela asked, looking up and down the line of cabs.

"Metro. It's that one." Abby pointed and started walking but stopped when she realized Neela wasn't following her. "Neela?"

"What am I doing here, Abby?"

"Neela, he wants you to, remember? It's okay to be scared but you're never going to get over this unless you face him."

"But…"

"No, that's all there is to it, Neela. Now, come on, before the cab leaves without us."

"Abby?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Abby just smiled and led her friend down the sidewalk.

After they had settled into the cab, Abby gave the driver the address and they left.

xxx

The drive wasn't long. In fact, it was quite short, and when they pulled up in from of a two-story farmhouse, Neela's mouth dropped open.

"Abby?"

"I told him to make a pit stop. So, get out of the car, go ring the bell, confess your love and call me later."

"What if-."

"No, Neela. No more what ifs. I can't handle any more of those between the two of you. This is it. No more running. Go do what you have to do and if it completely blows up in your face, call my cell phone."

Neela hesitantly nodded but didn't move.

"Neela." Abby sighed, getting out the cab and walking around to open Neela's door.

"Lockhart?!" A familiar voice called from the porch.

"It's Kovac now, Barnett." Abby turned around to find Ray _standing_ on the porch.

"Sorry, Lockhart is stuck." He smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"Someone decided to visit and you know I couldn't pass up the opportunity to annoy you."

"Who…?" Ray trailed off when he saw Neela finally climbing out of the cab, using Abby for support. "Neela?"

"And that's my cue." Abby made sure Neela was steady and jumped back in the car. "Go, driver, go!"

Ray laughed quietly before turning to face Neela.

"What… how… why…" Ray struggled with his words.

"After you left, all I wanted to do was go home." Neela gave in to her fears.

"But home is…"

"Where the heart is." Neela replied confidently; all of her fears disappearing. "With you."

**Oh, well I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old.  
I said these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
I'm going home.**

* * *

**AN: Not my best but this song just seemed to fit almost perfectly. Please review and let me know how I can improve!**


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